Monday, October 27, 2008

personal happiness

to feel free and at the same time happy, as it seems to me, you mustn't hide from yourself the fact that life is cruel, harsh, and merciless in its conservatism, and you need to respond to it as it deserves; in other words, be just as it is, harsh and merciless in your striving for freedom. that's what i think...

why i weakened and fell prematurely is not hard to explain. like the strong man in the Bible i took up the gates of gaza to carry them to the top of the hill; only when i grew tired, when my youth and health were extinguished forever, i noticed that these gates were too much for my shoulders and that i had deceived myself. what is more, i was in constant, cruel pain. i experienced hunger, cold, sickness, loss of freedom: i did not and do not know personal happiness, i have no shelter, my memories are bad and my conscience often fears them...

anton chekhov the story of a nobody

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